Starting The Healing Process
Last year, around the start of fall, I began to feel a need to connect with my inner child ,or at least what I thought was my inner child. It turned out to be my shadow self. This prompted me to become more mindful of my intimate experiences, especially those that cause me feelings of guilt, shame, and insecurity. I usually allow myself to feel as much of any emotion as I can. Sometimes,it is overwhelming. However, I have always believed, and still believe, that my emotional experiences are the most important experiences I have as spiritual being. With that said, I want to briefly offer my reason for writing this post.
My Progress So Far
I am working through a cycle in my life that needs me to transform my perspective. In all aspects of my life, I need to allow myself to be molded by what is meant for me, and not what I think is meant for me. I can not do that if I am still holding on to the past. I want to share my experience with you so that; if you ever need to work through your difficulties; you can with confidence.
How I Gained A Deeper Connection
I work closely with the elements when I meditate with crystals. It is the way I connect with energy and transmit my needs into the universe. In return, I receive a transference of energy returned to me as gifts. This technique has allowed me to gain insight to some very crucial factors that are beneath my conscious experience. It does take a bit of open mindedness to understand what is being revealed; but it also takes commitment, and a willingness to follow through with the necessary measures to heal and find closure. Since I have gained this connection to myself, I discovered a lot of my anger, anxiety, and self sabotage was the products of guilt that has been deep within me for most of my life. I have learned that guilt is an emotion that can dwell indefinitely within my emotional river, affecting my thoughts, and behaviors in self harming ways. Meditating has really given me the opportunity to let go of this dangerous emotion to begin living a life of peace.
The Four Steps of My Healing Process
There is so much I want to say in this one post. However, I am going to just continue with my personal efforts to let go of guilt, shame, and insecurity. After discovering the causes of such traumatic emotions, I needed to accept the experiences as real, true to my path, and something that belonged to me. This is what I call acceptance. Then once I accepted my experience, I had to own it. This means I no longer looked at my experience as someone else's doing. "My experience is my experience", is how I owned it. The next to last thing I did was allow myself to forgive myself for not being a perfect human being. Finally, I had to decide what it is that I wanted moving forward.
Personal Development and Personal Growth
Doing all this while meditating really helped me take back my sense of worthiness, and self love. I can now face any imperfections I have without condemning myself. I feel confident in knowing that I deserve peace, happiness, and love; and to be liberated by my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I want to become an authentic human being. That is my goal to feel every emotion, without guilt, or shame, or blame. To allow my thoughts to just be without judging them or myself. And to let go of a need to be in control all the time of the impressions I make. I have learned that holding back your true nature is more damaging than living a false one.
Stay Tuned for More Updates
It has now been 4 months since I began healing this energy. I already feel reborn. I am receiving a spiritual renewal which seems to be in sync with this time of year. However, I am going to be constantly working on successfully finding closure to this part of my path. There is so much more I am working on. Stay tuned. I will keep you updated.
Here are a few items that may help strengthen personal connections to self while processing the necessary changes of growth, healing, and development.